Simple Girl Searchin the World

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what if

you ever wonder what would happen if we spent as much time with God as we did with facebook or myspace or tumblr, etc... i know im as guilty as anyone. i spend WAY to much time surfing sites, most of the time for no reason other than to occupy time. what if, instead of 'killing time' on facebook, we just talked to God or read His Word... what if, in our down time, instead of reaching for our computer & the internet, we reached for our Bible... what if, in our darkest time, we reached for God, or for our Bible instead of that drink... that knife... those pills... those razors... that poison... those hurtful words... those destructive actions... these destructive ways... reach for that Bible, reach for God, He's meeting you where you are... take one step & He's runnin to you... what if... what would change with you, with those around you, with the world... i think it would be an exceptional turn around... it starts with just telling Him where you are... what your feeling... your fears, doubts, concerns, just tell Him about your day... the good & bad, hash it out if you're angry kick, scream, cry, yell... He hears & loves you even more get honest with Him about EVERYTHING you're feeling, thinking, doubting, & contemplating... all He asks is that you are honest about it all... so, what would happen if we ran to Him... what if we spent as much time with Him as we did with other IMPERMANENT things of this world... run to the One who is unchanging, unfailing, always loving, & permanent forever... what if... btw, yes, i realize the irony of posting this ON the internet & you being here right now.

be still...

So, I had an epiphany… I can’t sit still, which I already knew, but I realized that I can’t sit still because I am keeping myself distracted and occupied. I am afraid of being still and being in the quiet.  I distract myself with being occupied and going a 100 miles an hour so that I don’t have to focus on the things that are in front of me, the things I am afraid to deal with or that I don’t think I can. I hide from the issues by staying busy.

 

I also realized that I worry about other people not only because I care, which I do A LOT, but also so that I don’t have to worry and focus on myself. If I am dealing with other people then I don’t have to mess with my problems, fear, issues, anxieties, etc. Again, I try to hide from my own things by helping other people. I am not helping you because I am deliberately trying to not focus on me, but it does push my things to the back burner, so to speak.  The problem is I just keep shoving them further and further back and never really deal with any of it, and just keep helping everyone else; which, let me say again, is fine by me, I love helping other people any way that I can. 

 

But, as was pointed out to me and I already knew deep down, I am no help to anyone if I am not ‘right’ and okay myself.  I can only do so much and then I have to accept that I cannot ‘fix’ things and then I gotta just pray and let God work like I know He can and will. The hard part is knowing when to stop physically doing things and just sit back… and also making the person know that I am not giving up on them, but just doing what I should have done from the start; letting God do what He is so capable of doing and trusting that He will do what is best. 

 

Maybe another realization I had was that not doing anything, like physically, is actually doing everything… pray from the start and ask for help from the One who can, and will, heal and work everything ou

 

be still

So, I had an epiphany… I can’t sit still, which I already knew, but I realized that I can’t sit still because I am keeping myself distracted and occupied. I am afraid of being still and being in the quiet.  I distract myself with being occupied and going a 100 miles an hour so that I don’t have to focus on the things that are in front of me, the things I am afraid to deal with or that I don’t think I can. I hide from the issues by staying busy.   I also realized that I worry about other people not only because I care, which I do A LOT, but also so that I don’t have to worry and focus on myself. If I am dealing with other people then I don’t have to mess with my problems, fear, issues, anxieties, etc. Again, I try to hide from my own things by helping other people. I am not helping you because I am deliberately trying to not focus on me, but it does push my things to the back burner, so to speak.  The problem is I just keep shoving them further and further back and never really deal with any of it, and just keep helping everyone else; which, let me say again, is fine by me, I love helping other people any way that I can.   But, as was pointed out to me and I already knew deep down, I am no help to anyone if I am not ‘right’ and okay myself.  I can only do so much and then I have to accept that I cannot ‘fix’ things and then I gotta just pray and let God work like I know He can and will. The hard part is knowing when to stop physically doing things and just sit back… and also making the person know that I am not giving up on them, but just doing what I should have done from the start; letting God do what He is so capable of doing and trusting that He will do what is best.   Maybe another realization I had was that not doing anything, like physically, is actually doing everything… pray from the start and ask for help from the One who can, and will, heal and work everything out for the good.  

worry

I worry. A lot. It is what I do way too much. So, I got to thinking, why? Its’ because I try to do what only God can do. I try to control the uncontrollable, explain the unexplainable, do the undoable, stop the unstoppable, fix the unfixable, bear the unbearable; and then we wonder why I’m messed up. Why, why do I do this to myself and to others… why not just give it all to God. He is God, I mea He can do anything. Why don’t I trust what He will do, why don’t I trust in Him… when I think about it, it’s stupid on my part. I mean, I am like hitting Him in the face. How can I expect someone to listen to me when I say ‘don’t worry’, when it seems all I do IS worry.  How can I be that light of Jesus to everyone around me when I am wasting my time worrying about things that are not under my control and trying to fix things and people that only God can fix and heal.   I spend my time worrying about those around me, situations, and a tomorrow I cant guarantee I’ll see… why. I can’t come up with a logical answer. I just do.  It is something I really have to stop doing. I am not only hurting myself, but also those around me. I am affecting other people, and in not a good way, which is really frustrating me. I don’t want to be doing that. I mean, why am I worrying about tomorrow when I cant even guarantee that I’ll see it… Like it says in the Bible, “Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow, too. Live one day at a time” (Matthew 6:34) I have no business worrying about tomorrow or any day in the future, it is all in God’s hands and I have to trust that He will take care of me in that day; Which, He will.   Worry… we all do it, why… try, just today, take one thing you are worrying about and turn it over to God… see how much better you feel. I promise, you will feel a difference.  

worry

I worry. A lot. It is what I do way too much. So, I got to thinking, why? Its’ because I try to do what only God can do. I try to control the uncontrollable, explain the unexplainable, do the undoable, stop the unstoppable, fix the unfixable, bear the unbearable; and then we wonder why I’m messed up. Why, why do I do this to myself and to others… why not just give it all to God. He is God, I mea He can do anything. Why don’t I trust what He will do, why don’t I trust in Him… when I think about it, it’s stupid on my part. I mean, I am like hitting Him in the face. How can I expect someone to listen to me when I say ‘don’t worry’, when it seems all I do IS worry.  How can I be that light of Jesus to everyone around me when I am wasting my time worrying about things that are not under my control and trying to fix things and people that only God can fix and heal.

 I spend my time worrying about those around me, situations, and a tomorrow I cant guarantee I’ll see… why. I can’t come up with a logical answer. I just do.  It is something I really have to stop doing. I am not only hurting myself, but also those around me. I am affecting other people, and in not a good way, which is really frustrating me. I don’t want to be doing that. I mean, why am I worrying about tomorrow when I cant even guarantee that I’ll see it… Like it says in the Bible,

 

“Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow, too. Live one day at a time” (Matthew 6:34)

 

I have no business worrying about tomorrow or any day in the future, it is all in God’s hands and I have to trust that He will take care of me in that day; Which, He will.

Worry… we all do it, why… try, just today, take one thing you are worrying about and turn it over to God… see how much better you feel. I promise, you will feel a difference. 

 

love...

such a strong thing for being such a short word. everyone wants to be loved. love is the ultimate goal to everyone, whether they admit it or not. some want to be loved more than others, but everyone wants & searches for it. 

everyone wants to feel real love, to be cared about & shown affection. i see it from my friends & others around, searching for that love, that place to reside & know they are not alone & cared about. they look in many places, but some miss the fact that there is one place that they can go to find that TRUE love and solution to their feeling of abandonment & hopelessness, that missing piece they're so desperatly searching for.

i looked in many places & used many things to fill that void, nothing compares nor came close to the feeling of TRUE love from the One who is love. 

if you want it, that love is out there & it is yours, for free... all you have to do is accept it. let it fill you up every single day. 

once you are filled with love, then you spread the love & since the love to you is free & unending, you can show that love to everyone else who are where you once were and then they can know the love of the one who
is love. 

spread the love & soon everyone will know TRUE, unending, free to accept...love.

our job is to love... you cannot live until you know TRUE love & the neverending abundance of it flowing into you once you accept it so that it can flow from
you. 

death

do you ever dream of death? when you will die? of your funeral? of who's going to be there? what will be said? what heaven will be like? what, if anything, you'll say that day? 

death intrigues me. at least fleshly death. i used to be scared of dying; not any more. i actually welcome it & kind of, in a odd way, can't wait for it. 

i think about how i will die. what my funeral will look like. who will be there & what they will say about me. i wonder if i'll do anything worthy of being remembered, what affect i will have had on people & those closest to me.  

as sad as death is, it is actually, to me, happy to think about. i think about heaven, i think about seeing & being reunited with so many i love that i havent seen or hugged or spoke too since they've left earth. i think about the promise of no more pain, no more fear, no more suffering, no more burdens, & no more sorrow... i imagine heaven but know that it is truly unconcievable to my human mind. and to me, that is amazing. 

i know, that theres a plan for me before i get there, but if i died today, i would be ready , i just hope i would have done something to impact the world i will leave behind. 

let me let you in on a little secret …

  I’m not nearly as strong as you think I am. I’m actually pretty weak.   I have emotions. I don’t show them, but they’re there.   When you hurt me, I hide them… I will not give you the satisfaction of knowing it affects me.   I hid them for so long.   I still do, but they creep out every now and then.   Don’t be surprised when they over flow.   I’m not as tough as I put out there.   I hurt.   I can hide it well, but my eyes don’t lie… take a gaze into them and you’ll see pain.   I have a heart.   I can show you, but only if I want. I care.   I might not be the best at showing it, but I do… a lot.   I’m scared. I mask it though.   I play tough, but I am actually terrified.   I love. Way more than you will ever know.   And probably too much.   I have secrets… that I am still trying to uncover  

i often wonder

I often wonder, what I’d say if we were face to face I imagine id be speechless, I cant even think of one good thing to say I can think of a hundred things id want to say or ask, but when the time comes…. I doubt ill utter a word. I think I’d have every answer I need, Without ever saying a word. Would I fall to the floor? Would I stare at your face? Or just stand in awe Would the tears fall? Would a smile surface Will the fear fade? The answers flow I dream of what I’d say, what I’d do, and how I’ll feel On this faithful day